No one dared to tell the Emperor that there was something wrong with that edict.
Wang Delan hesitated: “Your Majesty…”
“Is Fan Xun still kneeling? Does he not want his feet?” Xiao Zhi asked. “Go tell him—if he doesn’t get up now, I’ll have his grandson’s chopped off instead.”
Sure enough, no sooner had the Emperor’s verbal decree been delivered than Fan Xun, disregarding his numb knees, scrambled to his feet.
When it came to threats, His Majesty was unmatched.
“Why won’t you talk to me?” Xiao Zhi slowly wiped the seal ink off the imperial seal with a silk handkerchief. “This palace is unbearably dull.”
Yun Yi was jolted awake by a chill.
She saw Xiao Zhi walk over to the fish tank and say wistfully: “Don’t you like the spring water in this tank?”
He wet the handkerchief and scrubbed back and forth across the face of the seal.
Several ranchu goldfish in the tank stared curiously at the huge object above their heads.
From the fish’s perspective, the massive piece of jade blocked out half the sky, sunlight filtering down through the gaps between their master’s fingers, dappling the water in patches.
Fish: The master is here to see us again. Yesterday he even bent down to drink the spring water.
Yun Yi, who had just woken up: Aaaah, so cold, so freezing!
“Tsk, how did it get this dirty?” Xiao Zhi turned the seal over and examined it closely.
The character “Treasure” in “Emperor’s Great Treasure” still had a bit of seal ink stuck in it.
As if unwrapping a gift, he untied the hair tie, considered for a moment, then simply soaked the entire handkerchief and began wiping it clumsily.
Yun Yi’s body loosened up—like a prisoner bound hand and foot finally freed by the jailer. Her relief lasted less than half a second before she felt utterly terrible again.
The tyrant was subjecting her to torture—”pasting with paper,” one of the most painful ancient punishments, in which layer after layer of wet paper is applied over the face.
Xiao the dog was determined to kill her.
Without thinking, Yun Yi opened her mouth and chomped down on his hand.
The mythical beast atop the imperial seal seemed to come alive, suddenly jerking.
The Emperor, caught off guard, felt a searing sting at the base of his thumb. His hand loosened, and with a plop, the seal fell into the fish tank.
Yun Yi’s composure shattered. Aaaah, even knowing how to swim, you can still drown…
Hearing the commotion, a guard materialized from the shadows, only to see his master thrusting his arm into the waist-high tank, his soaked robe sleeve clinging to his strong, powerful arm.
The guard commander’s eyes were full of question marks.
Xiao Zhi had already straightened up, cradling the equally drenched treasure in his hands, his smile like a spring breeze: “Nothing. The fish gave it a nibble.”
The guard commander and the fish: “…”
His Majesty’s clothes were wet, so he called for bathwater. Yun Yi was carried by him into the bath chamber.
She leaned askew on the tray by the pool’s edge and looked up at the Emperor, who wore only his sleeping robe.
The sleeping robe was as thin as a cicada’s wing. Without removing it, the Emperor stepped directly into the hot spring pool.
The water rose, outlining the contours of his strong physique. Yun Yi’s gaze swept across two tiny raspberries…
Help! She hurriedly turned her back, drawing little circles on the floor with her toes.
Amitabha… merit points plus one. Why was he bathing in broad daylight, throwing everyone into such a fluster?
Xiao Zhi lounged lazily by the pool’s edge, his peripheral vision catching the mythical beast’s head on the imperial seal. “Did that fellow surnamed Wu give you any more trouble?”
He was referring to Manager Wu from the factory.
Ever since Xiao Zhi had accompanied Yun Yi on that trip to the factory, Manager Wu’s attitude had done a complete 180-degree turnaround.
“Look how fierce you are,” Yun Yi grumbled. “One sentence from you and you sound like the top-performing debt collector of the year.”
The seal’s voice, of course, could not reach the Emperor’s ears.
Xiao Zhi could only speak to the swirling mist: “The clinic that treated your shoulder injury—did you go?”
He remembered that the physician at that clinic had prescribed Yun Yi four courses of treatment, and he wondered whether she had gone for the remaining three.
Xiao Zhi rambled on and on.
He placed the seal on his chest, holding it close, his gaze through the mist soft and hazy.
“Why did you bite me?”
Yun Yi felt the firm chest beneath her and sat there as if on pins and needles.
Looking down, she found herself perched right on that bright red berry.
“!!!”
She frantically scrambled to the other side of the seal’s inner space and sat down hugging her knees.
Xiao Zhi’s fingertips toyed with the beast’s head. No matter how he stroked it, the little creature showed no reaction—so much so that the bite from earlier felt like an illusion.
If it weren’t for the faint teeth marks at the base of his thumb, he would have truly thought he had gone mad.
Could he force her to show herself?
Xiao Zhi asked again: “Do you know what the punishment is for biting the Son of Heaven?”
Yun Yi thought of those ranchu goldfish that had taken the blame for her. She considered—surely he wouldn’t turn them into chopped pepper fish head, would he?
Xiao Zhi pressed the base of his thumb against the little beast’s mouth, pushing down so that skin and flesh bulged against the jade.
“You bit too lightly just now. How about I punish you by making you bite harder?”
The Emperor had a self-destructive streak…
Yun Yi took a stealthy taste—the Dragon Son of Heaven’s flesh was rather tough, not tasty at all, and eating it certainly wouldn’t grant immortality.
A faint pain came from his thumb, and Xiao Zhi’s heart pounded violently with the sensation.
“Excellent.” He laughed for no reason.
“…”
All those attending in the bath chamber were Xiao Zhi’s trusted confidants, and every one of them saw their master acting insane.
The Emperor before them now and the Emperor on the throne at court were like two entirely different people.
.
Xiao Zhi strode out from the corridor, his imperial boots crunching over the lawn.
Yun Yi saw spring light fall upon him, tracing a fine golden outline that made him look every inch the noble.
The spring breeze was warm, and the Emperor was in high spirits. He plucked a flower.
He used the blossom to tickle the little beast’s snout, smiling as he asked: “Smell that? Isn’t it fragrant?”
The imperial seal remained motionless, exuding an air of aloofness.
This one-man show was rather awkward. Xiao Zhi twirled the flower in his hand and swatted the little beast’s rear with it, over and over. “Fragrant or not? Fragrant or not? Fragrant or not?”
Yun Yi: A repeater?!
She had to add two more counts to her grudge ledger:
First, the dog emperor tried to drown her.
Second, the dog emperor tried to give her an allergic reaction.
Yun Yi couldn’t be bothered with him.
She was confined within the imperial seal, which came with its own barrier. Not only could she not get out, all her actions were one-way.
She could touch Xiao Zhi, but he could not feel her presence.
That bite earlier had been purely accidental—she had no idea how she had managed to bite him.
“Talk to me.” Xiao Zhi’s voice came through, waking someone who had been sunbathing inside the seal.
Yun Yi was forced into “eye contact” with him.
“Your medicine truly has miraculous effects. A man who had been poisoned for months was able to rise after just one day of taking it.” The Emperor strolled leisurely onto the winding bridge, and the koi in the pond followed his shadow. “The imperial physicians’ eyes nearly popped out of their heads.”
He stopped at the center of the bridge and added: “The Northern Di have been repeatedly provoking the border over the envoy’s poisoning. Your move saved me a great deal of trouble.”
Yun Yi thought to herself: Using modern medicine from a thousand years later to save an ancient—the physicians’ expressions must have been more entertaining than seeing a ghost.
“Your Majesty,” a young eunuch whose face she didn’t recognize came running over hurriedly, “Huai—”
One sharp glance from Xiao Zhi, and the young eunuch clamped his mouth shut.
Though the Emperor and Prince Huai, Xiao Qian, were twin brothers, they detested each other. Everyone in the palace knew that one must never utter a single word about Prince Huai in the Emperor’s presence.
Yun Yi only caught the word “Huai” before Xiao Zhi covered her ears.
What was there that she couldn’t hear? He had already shared military secrets.
Xiao Zhi: “What’s he making a fuss about now?”
Ever since Xiao Zhi had shaved off Xiao Qian’s two eyebrows, the day before yesterday he cried, yesterday he threw a tantrum—by his reckoning, today should be the day he tries to hang himself.
“Reporting to Your Majesty… after Your Majesty shaved that lord’s eyebrows, he has been deeply troubled, drinking every day, harming both his health and his spirits.”
The young eunuch’s voice came in fragments, not very clear.
Having watched too many palace dramas, Yun Yi quickly pieced together a narrative: one of the Emperor’s consorts, Consort Huai, knew about the consort selection and had caused several scenes. The Emperor, annoyed, shaved off the consort’s two eyebrows—the same principle as shaving one’s head to become a nun.
She figured that this consort had stayed by the Emperor’s side ever since he was placed under house arrest, effectively his first wife. She caused a big stir, yet the tyrant didn’t kill her—only shaved her eyebrows as a lesson.
Wow, what a nice tyrant. Yun Yi sneered.
It was only a punishment of three days confined to the palace—barely a slap on the wrist. Making such a fuss over that—was he even a man?
Wasn’t Xiao Qian just trying to sneak out to the brothel to see his lover? Xiao Zhi turned a blind eye and let his brother do as he pleased.
“Didn’t I already allow him to leave the palace?”
“Your Majesty… that lord said Your Majesty ruined his appearance, and he has no face to leave the palace to see…” his old flame.
The dog emperor was about to pick a new wife and was finding a way to throw his first wife out of the palace? Yun Yi’s fists clenched.
“What appearance does he have?” Xiao Zhi said coldly. “Go back and tell him to calm down, or else I’ll shave his head too.”
“Your servant obeys!”
Yun Yi: Wow! Xiao Zhi, you’re something else! Your first wife married you for years, and now you find her old and faded? You want to send her to a nunnery? Are you even human?
.
No sooner had the young eunuch withdrawn than Yue Minye arrived.
Though the Emperor was firm in his stance and would not consider consort selection for now, adding a few attentive consorts was always within the rules.
“Your Majesty, after that brief encounter at the theater platform, my daughter fell for Your Majesty at first sight.”
Xiao Zhi nearly laughed. His entire impression of Yue Ying was two tightly knit downturned eyebrows.
Xiao Qian’s raised eyebrows annoyed him the most, and this Yue Ying was no less.
“Minister Yue, do you want me to address you as ‘Imperial Father-in-Law’?”
Yue Minye’s forehead was drenched in cold sweat. With a thud, he knelt before his living liege.
Having heard from his colleague Minister Fan that the Emperor was going to chop off Fan Xun’s grandson’s toes, Yue Minye backed down: “Your old servant dare not.”
When nothing was at stake, “Your humble servant”; when trouble arose, “Your old servant.”
“Playing the elder card?”
“…” Whatever he said was wrong.
Xiao Zhi rolled his imperial seal in his hands like someone addicted to fondling curios, dragging out his tone: “Go tell your daughter to give up.”
“Your Majesty, forgive me! Your Majesty, spare me!”
.
“Did you hear that? The one you met last time was Yue Minye’s legitimate daughter.” Xiao Zhi carried the seal back to his bedchamber. “If she still hasn’t given up, then that heart of hers is useless—might as well carve it out.”
“…”
Actually, Yun Yi had a fairly good impression of Yue Ying—those bold natural brows, those lively almond-shaped eyes, full of spirit. Though born into a prominent family, she had not a trace of willfulness.
But in this damned feudal society, having multiple wives and concubines was the norm.
Even if she didn’t marry the Emperor, there were still so many princes and ministers’ sons to choose from.
Women were confined to marriage, sinking through the ages.
At that thought, Yun Yi felt a inexplicable suffocation. The Emperor had rejected his first wife and hadn’t even taken a liking to the lovely Yue Ying.
Just how high were his standards?!
He had refused Minister Yue today, but there would be Minister Yan, Minister Cen, Minister Fan tomorrow…
Wouldn’t the three palaces and six courtyards be filled up soon enough?
Which emperor didn’t love taking a whole harem of consorts?
A dissolute, depraved tyrant!
Nothing but a breeding boar!
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