Yun Yi’s escape route went as follows:
First, she jumped under the imperial desk and hid behind the table skirt. Once the maids and eunuchs were all kneeling on the floor, she dashed at lightning speed behind the screen.
Through the gaps in the screen panels, she saw Wang Delan holding up a tray—the mountain-high stack of memorials happened to block the Emperor’s line of sight.
Seizing the opportunity, she climbed into a five-drawer cabinet, which contained only some of the Emperor’s calligraphy and paintings—more than enough space to hide one person.
Yun Yi curled up, tucked beside a few scrolls. The scene was exactly like when her father Yun Guoqiang had made a surprise inspection and she had shoved Xiao Zhi into the wardrobe.
What goes around comes around—and fast.
The Emperor’s reproaches, the attendants kneeling, and then the sounds of searching rose and fell one after another.
Just as the attendants were searching through the five-drawer cabinet, an unexpected visitor arrived at the study.
Yun Yi quietly cracked open the cabinet.
“I heard the Emperor punished Prince Zhao,” came the Empress Dowager’s voice before she even appeared. “It is my failing in raising him properly. I beg the Emperor, for my sake, to only give him a hundred strokes.”
“Too light,” the Emperor said. Her voice was solemn and steady, without a trace of motherly affection.
Xiao Zhi studied her. “Then shall the Empress Dowager add a few more?”
“…” The Empress Dowager’s face paled.
“I’m joking with you, Mother. Fifth Brother is mischievous, and since I am his second brother, naturally I must teach him how to conduct himself as a man.”
The major figures of the palace had gathered in the study, and their entourages of guards and attendants naturally surrounded their respective masters.
No one paid any attention to where Yun Yi was hiding.
She slowly crawled out of the cabinet and crept toward the side door.
She scurried along the long palace corridor, the scenery growing increasingly desolate. The palace walls were mottled, with weeds sprouting in the corners.
From time to time, she heard the sound of washing and the scolding of the head maid: “Wash properly! The master’s clothes are precious—how can you scrub them with brute force? You—come here.”
Smack, smack, smack.
Three sharp slaps startled a few birds into flight.
“From today on, you no longer wash the clothes of the master of Chenhua Hall,” the head maid said coldly. “You will wash the eunuchs’ clothes instead.”
This devouring palace! Yun Yi held her breath.
The young maid took the pile of dirty clothes and carried the basket to the well.
This courtyard was exclusively for washing servants’ clothes; higher-ranking maids would never do such work.
Silence fell around her, broken only by the young maid’s occasional soft sobs.
“Sister.”
“…?” The young maid looked up, her swollen eyes slowly widening.
“Shh.” Yun Yi raised a finger to her lips and pointed at the maid’s uniform in the dirty laundry basket. “Could I borrow a set of clothes?”
Those clothes were wrinkled and filthy.
For the sake of freedom, she would endure.
The young maid’s gaze fell on Yun Yi’s strange outfit, and her eyes gradually lit up: “Are you a fairy?”
She picked out a maid’s uniform and handed it over. Yun Yi took it and shook it out—there was a blotch of bloodstain on the lower back.
“…” Help!
Should she just slink back to the Emperor in disgrace? Yun Yi wavered.
The young maid took down another maid’s uniform from the drying rack. “Fairy sister, this is this servant’s own clothes. If sister doesn’t mind—”
“Good child.” Yun Yi was overjoyed!
She quickly pulled out a handful of preserved fruit from her pocket—snacks she had swiped from the fruit platter.
“Here, have these to eat. Don’t let anyone see.”
The young maid’s cheeks bulged as she chewed away happily.
A handful of preserved fruit in exchange for a uniform—a fair deal.
.
The Emperor’s face was dark as he turned the study upside down. What was she running from? No one in the palace dared lay a finger on her.
“Your Majesty, there is no trace of Miss Yun in the bedchamber.” Sweat trickled down the guard commander’s temples. Even on the night of the assassination attempt, he had not been this tense.
The Emperor heard him, yet seemed not to.
He walked straight to the fish tank and bent down to survey the scene inside.
He searched so meticulously, as if she might be hiding in the tank.
“Where did you run off to?” The Emperor poured out his troubles to the few ranchu goldfish. “She’s definitely still in the palace—she even remembered to grab a handful of preserved fruit before making her getaway.”
.
Yun Yi bundled up her hoodie and sweatpants, about to tuck them into some inconspicuous corner, when a cold voice came from behind her.
“So you’re here to take Xiao Tao’s place, are you?” The speaker was the head maid of the Laundry Bureau.
Yun Yi turned around with a forced smile, bracing herself.
To her surprise, the head maid seemed quite satisfied with her: she was taller than that Xiao Tao, with a sharpness in her eyes—good material to be trained.
“You know how to wash clothes, don’t you?”
“Yes…” The Emperor’s dragon robe had been washed in her own washing machine, after all.
“Come collect your things.”
Yun Yi received a washboard and a beating stick.
“…”
From then on, she was in charge of washing the clothes of the master of Chenhua Hall.
Yun Yi had quietly asked Yu Lian’er about it, but the maid dared not gossip about the master’s affairs and only vaguely said that “His Majesty has not yet established an empress.”
Great. She had initially thought the Emperor simply hadn’t gotten around to taking a wife since ascending the throne. No empress didn’t mean no lesser consorts.
He had a wife and still slept on the same couch as her—shameless!
Yun Yi had just picked up the beating stick when she felt a sharp glare.
Under the head maid’s watchful eye, she suppressed her anger and, imitating the other maids, gently tapped at the stains on the clothes.
Stinking emperor, dog emperor, dead emperor—I’m washing your little concubine’s undergarments, drawers, socks, and sleeping robes!
The wind blew, raising a vast colorful array of “banners.” Yun Yi hid in the drying yard, feeling utterly humiliated.
This was her first time doing laundry, and unlike the old hands in the palace, her mind was not filled with thoughts of slacking off.
Seeing the naive stupidity in the new maid’s eyes, an older maid tipped her chin at Yun Yi: “These are His Majesty’s clothes.”
Yun Yi returned with her empty wooden basin after hanging the laundry, only to find the large tub filled again. Her heart sank.
The Emperor had worn this very set to court this morning!
It had only been a few hours—had he already bathed and changed?
How could someone at the pinnacle of the pyramid understand the plight of those freezing on the roadside—Yun Yi slammed down her empty basin in frustration and spread her fingers. Ten thick, ugly digits, like successfully rehydrated sea cucumbers.
The well water was ice-cold—she was about to get frostbite.
Creak—the side door opened, revealing a eunuch’s wrinkled face.
“Cui’er.” The eunuch flashed a row of yellowed teeth.
The maid ordered Yun Yi: “Rub gently with your hands. If you ruin His Majesty’s clothes, you’ll be held accountable.”
The two of them slipped away furtively to the end of the palace path.
Yun Yi: So this was the legendary “paired eating” (eunuch-maid relationships)?
Sun overhead, hands in freezing water—in the empty Laundry Bureau, only Yun Yi was left swinging her beating stick high.
The Emperor’s clothes were clearly quite clean—why make things difficult for people?
Cursing under her breath as she washed, Yun Yi’s hand suddenly fished out a bright yellow pair of boxer briefs…
“!!!”
Help!
The stick crashed down onto the dragon robe, and Yun Yi felt a thrill of indirect vengeance.
Smack, smack, smack.
Stinking emperor!
After a full day’s work, her “colleagues” clocked out one after another.
Yun Yi didn’t dare go with them.
As a newcomer who had appeared out of nowhere, if she returned to the shared quarters for maids, she would surely be exposed.
She avoided the others and turned down an even more desolate palace path.
Ahead, one particular palace building stood out as unusually magnificent.
A Buddhist pine stood proudly before the vermilion gate, as if standing guard.
Hey—this place looked a bit familiar?
The crimson gates swung open, and several attendants emerged.
A eunuch scolded: “Though His Majesty does not come to the old residence, you must still be diligent in cleaning, understand?”
The maid replied: “Yes, Eunuch Wang.”
“Come back to clean in three days. Lock it up now.”
Yun Yi watched helplessly as the great gate was bolted shut, frantic as an ant on a hot pan.
Ah, why lock it! Xiao Zhi doesn’t live here, but I could!
For someone who didn’t know qinggong (lightness skill), the palace wall was a natural barrier, cutting off all entry.
With great effort, Yun Yi began to climb the Buddhist pine.
This Buddhist pine had been newly planted after Xiao Zhi ascended the throne. In modern times, it would cost no less than seven figures to buy.
Yun Yi used every ounce of her strength to climb to the treetop, but there was still over a meter’s gap between the branch and the top of the palace wall. Gritting her teeth, she leaped across.
This residence was where Xiao Zhi had lived as a youth—a place of house arrest, much like a consort’s cold palace.
Now that he had ascended the throne, the renovated courtyard exuded comfort in every corner.
There was a well in the yard, so water was covered.
Yun Yi made a round of the interior. The bedroom was not large, but though the sparrow was small, it had all its organs.
She rubbed her sore arms and collapsed onto the bed.
The bedding was freshly changed and smelled of sunshine. For the sake of this bed, she would temporarily let Xiao Zhi off the hook.
.
“Your Majesty!” Wang Delan, not even bothering to wipe his sweat, rushed back to report: “Your servant saw it clearly! It must be Miss Yun!”
Just as Xiao Zhi had expected, Yun Yi had gone to his old residence.
“How did she get in?”
“Climbed a tree.”
“What?”
“The pine tree at the gate.” Wang Delan’s voice grew softer. “This servant was negligent. I beg Your Majesty to punish me.”
“Never mind.” Xiao Zhi had a headache. “Where was she hiding before?”
“Miss Yun was at the Laundry Bureau,” Wang Delan said, straightening his back with a hint of pride. “Your servant arranged for Miss Yun to wash Your Majesty’s clothes.”
Xiao Zhi shot him a sharp glare.
Wang Delan dropped into a kneeling slide, trembling: “Your servant was wrong. I shouldn’t have had the lady do laundry…”
Xiao Zhi’s thoughts suddenly drifted back to a thousand years later. He remembered that the Yun household had a small room with a machine Yun Yi called a “washing machine.”
At the time, Yun Yi had stuffed dirty clothes into it, grumbling: “Hate doing laundry—and then I have to take it out and put it in the dryer.”
An ancestor who hated laundry that much—and he had made her wash clothes by hand?
Wasn’t that violating one of her greatest taboos?
The next day, before court.
Wang Delan delivered the Emperor’s garments.
“Your Majesty, these are the clothes sent to the Laundry Bureau yesterday.”
“She washed them?” Xiao Zhi looked at the neatly folded pile, a flicker of surprise passing through him.
Would she be so kind as to treat his clothes well?
Xiao Zhi picked up a piece with suspicion—
In an instant, torn sleeping robes, torn socks, torn drawers… flew through the air.
The sleeping robe had two large holes torn open over the chest.
The imperial socks had several small holes along the cuffs, as if gnawed by rats.
There was no need to think hard—she must have smashed them viciously with the beating stick.
The most fatal was that bright yellow pair of drawers.
A massive hole was ripped open right in the crotch.
Wang Delan dropped to his knees on the spot, cold sweat instantly pouring down.
Xiao Zhi was so furious his teeth ached.
“Fine. You really think I can’t handle her?”
“Wang Delan—stop your duties. Get your ass to the Laundry Bureau and wash along with her!”
.
Just past the Rain Water solar term, spring had caught up, greening the crabapple branches atop the walls and tinting the weeds in the cracks of the blue bricks.
The Laundry Bureau received an important visitor.
A loud crash sounded at the washing bench. The head maid flinched and said to that important person: “…There’s so much laundry, it can’t be finished all at once. Why not let this servant help you…”
The man suddenly raised his voice: “Can’t you see I’m working? Are you trying to steal my work?”
“I dare not, this servant dares not.”
The young maid who had eaten the preserved fruit yesterday saw a newcomer doing laundry and looked over curiously.
“What are you looking at?” The man focused on washing had been punished by the Emperor and now ordered the young maid: “Hurry up and bring the dirty clothes over!”
The young maid hesitated for a moment and stammered: “There’s too much. You can’t finish washing it all by yourself.”
The man glared, brandishing the beating stick indignantly: “Don’t think just because I’ve fallen to this place, anyone can step on me. The Emperor himself ordered—if I don’t finish washing all the palace attendants’ clothes today, I’ll be punished to…”
The beating stick traced afterimages through the air.
“Wah wah wah—bring the clothes here! Bring them all here!” Wang Delan wept as he washed.
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