The Main God spent enormous effort before finally handling those three small-world consciousnesses with sesame-sized intelligence. After coaxing them away, it rushed back exhausted.
The moment it entered, it saw Gong Ze’s expression stiff, revealing three parts awkwardness. And as one of their targets, Lu Youling lay flat on a “bed” made of three hotel chairs pushed together, hands crossed over his lower abdomen, eyes closed, face peaceful.
The Main God floated to Gong Ze’s side in shock: “You killed him?”
Gong Ze: “…”
Gong Ze moved his lips: “…He was scared unconscious.”
Hearing this, the Main God burst out laughing. “Scared unconscious? Hahahaha his guts are this small? How did he get scared unconscious for no reason, pff haha.”
Gong Ze was silent for a moment, then took out the feather with the eyeball rolling around and said in a slightly flat voice: “He was scared unconscious by your feather.”
The Main God’s laughter choked off: “…”
Gong Ze sighed, pinching the feather stem with his fingertip and turning it. “I told you to leave me something normal, damn it. This thing is like a mysterious Cthulhu. Even I find it disgusting, let alone Lu Youling.”
Also, the eyeball’s surface was golden and holy, but inside it seemed to house ADHD. It refused to stay properly in the feather and insisted on bulging high, struggling outward while rolling around.
Then the fragile pupil rubbed against Gong Ze’s clothes, hurting so much it became bloodshot, yet it had no eyelid and could not close its eye.
But the more it hurt, the more it seemed to court trouble, “peeking” in Gong Ze’s pocket, then rubbing again after hurting, then hurting again after rubbing.
Gong Ze looked at it with a face full of disgust, then at the Main God, as if saying: ‘Like owner, like item. It has no brain, so you bear the main responsibility.’
Main God: “…”
Are you sick! Its structure only has feathers and eyes. Isn’t it natural that it has no brain! How the hell does that blame me??
Gong Ze: Heh heh. I don’t care. Now the person has been scared unconscious by this thing. What do we do?
Main God angrily: I [beep beep beep]—
“Scared unconscious is scared unconscious. Just use the feather to touch him directly! Once done, won’t our progress be mostly settled?”
Consuming too much energy made the Main God a bit impatient. Its pretentious ethereal voice was gone, and it no longer put on airs. It jumped onto Gong Ze’s shoulder and said rapidly.
“I’ve already collected Sang You and Feng Yuan.” After Gong Ze said this, he paused and explained the details: “When collecting those two, I first awakened their memories. There was communication.”
The Main God understood: “So you didn’t want to favor one over another and roughly collect them.”
Gong Ze did not deny it.
The Main God was convinced: “You told them it was fine, that after fusion there would still be memories, that you are one person. In the end, you yourself couldn’t let go. Fine, fine. I’ll give you time to say goodbye. Before, when you retorted against me, you were crazy. Now it seems you also have fragile moments.”
Gong Ze helplessly: “Say less.”
“Tsk.”
He admitted that although he was the one carrying out the fusion, when collecting Sang You and Feng Yuan, Gong Ze had felt fear and wavering inside. It was like a kind of erasure…
A voice told Gong Ze.
I killed them.
For Teacher, I eliminated those personalities that loved and trusted me. My mouth said nothing would happen, and I sent them back to Teacher’s body with high-sounding words.
Like Sang You. He was so afraid. He absolutely did not want to.
Gong Ze had already done this once, yet still had to do it a second time.
Guilt was like paper soaked through with water, layer by layer plastered over mouth and nose, like cruel torture making it hard to breathe, making Gong Ze waver endlessly.
“You should know, right? They were supposed to fuse in the first place. If not for this accident, they would have returned to the main body’s body long ago.” Suddenly the Main God spoke. It awkwardly comforted Gong Ze. “So you don’t need to feel you’re being cruel. Besides, if not fused, the outcome is finished. We’re not killing people, we’re saving people.”
The man returned to his senses from heavy thoughts.
Hearing the Main God’s words, the confusion in his dark eyes quickly receded. He replied quietly: “I understand. Thank you.”
The Main God uncomfortably gave an “mm.”
“If letting them remember and say goodbye can reduce the pressure in your heart, then do it. Anyway, it won’t take much time… Oh right.”
The Main God suddenly remembered.
“I’ve already settled the small worlds. Without them forcing fusion, as you collect Sang You and Feng Yuan’s soul fragments, those originally nonexistent chaotic settings, as well as others’ memories of Sang You and Feng Yuan, will disappear.”
“People like Jiang Lin’an and Feng Xueping will also disappear, returning to their own worlds.”
Gong Ze had guessed this too and was not surprised.
The Main God said: “Also, after all fragments are collected, once you fuse them into the main body, that is, your teacher’s body, your teacher may remember his memories in other worlds. You two were husbands in three worlds. After he awakens his reincarnation memories, perhaps even his feelings toward you will be different.”
It rubbed its chin.
“This way, pursuing him will be twice the result with half the effort.”
But after hearing this, Gong Ze frowned. “Then can we fuse later?”
Hearing this, the Main God turned to look at him like he was an idiot.
Gong Ze quietly looked back at it.
After a long while, the Main God was shocked. “No way! You think this is cheating? Taking advantage of these memories to make your teacher ‘have no choice but’ to fall in love with you? So you don’t want to use it, and insist on pursuing him from scratch yourself, and only then let your teacher remember?!”
Gong Ze could not help laughing. “Are you a tapeworm in my stomach?”
“Don’t give me that!” The Main God did not buy it and raised its voice. “Is there something wrong with your brain? Just so your teacher won’t be put on the spot? What if you can’t win your teacher over?!”
Gong Ze answered honestly: “I don’t know.”
Main God: “…………”
Only after a long time did the Main God say: “When I abducted you back then, how did I not discover that you’re actually a pure-love warrior…”
Forget it, forget it.
Anyway, in the end it would not be the one expending effort and worry.
Toward Gong Ze’s “idiotic” behavior, the Main God chose to close its eyes and avoid trouble.
Gong Ze smiled. “Because after remembering the memories of being Sang You, Feng Yuan, and Lu Youling, I won’t be able to tell whether he is willing to be with me because he truly loves me, or because of those memories. Speaking of it, I’m also doing it for myself. If his liking for me has even a trace of flaw, I cannot accept it.”
Because he liked him too much, too much.
Liked him to the point of wild thoughts, endless suspicion, unable to withstand even a tiny breeze. Like how some people, when a small flaw appears on a treasured item, do not repair it, but smash it.
‘If what I get is not perfect, complete love from you, then I don’t want it.’
Love was extreme.
Gong Ze smiled.
The Main God’s mouth twitched slightly: “…Lovebrain.”
Gong Ze shrugged indifferently. “Say whatever you want.”
While the two were talking, Lu Youling over there slowly woke. Lu Youling felt he had slept for a very, very long time, so long that after waking his mind was still drowsy and his thoughts hard to string together.
Those memories rose like bubbles in water to the lake surface. Some were of him bent over his office desk working all night for difficult and complicated illnesses. Some were of him and Gong Ze arguing over a small matter. Some were of him gray-haired, still begging Gong Ze to pick him up and drop him off from work every day.
Looking at these memories, Lu Youling uncontrollably revealed a smile.
His personality when young and when old were worlds apart. When young he liked throwing straight balls, liked clinging to Gong Ze. If there was even a tiny thing in his heart, he had to explain it clearly to Gong Ze.
But probably because he had worked in the hospital too long.
Probably because he was too busy, too tired.
Too many things to handle, accumulated pressure so enormous.
In middle age his personality was very cold.
Clearly Gong Ze was his lover. Clearly he could speak gently and softly to patients, outsiders, strangers. Only toward Gong Ze did he always vent his temper, speak coldly.
If Gong Ze did anything, he had to snap and nitpick.
If Gong Ze dared reply even one sentence, Lu Youling was truly comparable to a volcanic eruption. As if he had suffered enormous grievance, he would immediately redden his eyes and roar that if they could not live together, they should divorce.
Watching himself from back then, Lu Youling wanted to kick that awkward, unable-to-speak-properly version of himself.
Thankfully Gong Ze had not truly divorced him in a rage.
But they had had several cold wars.
At that time his temper was awkward and prickly. During cold wars he slammed doors with bangs. Whenever Gong Ze was present, he always had to throw and smash things to make noise, hoping Gong Ze would argue with him, yet also afraid Gong Ze would argue with him.
When Gong Ze chose to endure and ignore it, Lu Youling would begin to feel sad inside again, feeling Gong Ze no longer cared about him, feeling Gong Ze must be impatient with him.
Then before Gong Ze even spoke, at night he would lie in bed tossing and turning, silently shedding tears.
The root cause was nothing but too much pressure causing psychological problems.
Later, looking back at his unbearable past, Lu Youling covered his face, burning red with shame.
How could I have been so dramatic?
Lu Youling could now even remember Gong Ze’s helplessness, his silence.
But when Lu Youling’s emotions were suppressed to the limit, Gong Ze would always hug a bouquet, put on a crisp suit, deliberately dress fashionably and handsomely, drive the most expensive car in the family, and then stand straight at the crowded hospital entrance, under countless curious gazes, waiting to welcome him off work.
Heh…
Because the man knew that his wife, who appeared distant, mature, and authoritative in front of outsiders, actually had a playful little vanity.
He liked hearing those young nurses ask back and forth in amazed tones who was at the entrance, such a handsome older man, must be rich, why had he come to our hospital…
Words like that.
Then Lu Youling would pretend not to care much as he walked down, and amid everyone’s envious, gossipy gazes come to the man.
With an awkward temper he would say, “Why did you come.”
Then under the other’s faintly smiling gaze, he could not help lifting the corners of his mouth and accepting the bouquet from the other’s hand.
“Actually, at that time you just wanted me to coax you more, care about you more.”
“At the time all kinds of things piled up on you. Patients, surgeries, promotion matters, and some big shots you could not refuse using their power to force their surgeries ahead of your other patients—you were too tired. So you asked me for help, demanded emotional value from me. But you did not even understand yourself what was wrong, so how could you express it to me?”
“I was your closest lover.”
“You did not treat outsiders better than your own lover. It was just that as a doctor, you had to tell patients it was fine. If the doctor panicked, how could that work? Even if there was pressure in your heart, you could not say it directly. Only in front of your lover could you finally expose your fragility and anxiety.”
After getting through those menopause-like days, one day while reviewing the past, he asked Gong Ze why his temper had been so good, why he always lowered his head and yielded.
Gong Ze hugged him and told him these words.
Lu Youling’s tears wet his eye rims and cheeks.
How lucky he was to be loved for a lifetime.
He could never have enough of those days, never grow tired of them.
Later they grew old and passed away. Lu Youling thought he would never see Gong Ze again. He had not expected to open his eyes once more.
After seeing the person whose youthful appearance had changed somewhat, Lu Youling’s sluggish brain slowly woke.
He sat up in surprise and grabbed the person who was “talking to himself,” unable to stop himself from shouting: “Gong Ze?!”
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