His Majesty’s Imperial Seal Quits on Him Chapter 6: Ticklish Spots

The guards received the order and brought out the torture instruments.

Yun Yi scanned them, and her pupils suddenly contracted! Finger presses, leg splints, standing cages… One year, Yun Guoqiang’s team had unearthed the ruins of a Song Dynasty dungeon, and these things were inside there. Among the guards’ tools was also something shaped like a large eggbeater, which Yun Yi had never seen before.

Noticing her gaze, Xiao Zhi picked it up with a serious air: “Never seen this before?”

Yun Yi shook her head, bewildered.

“Mouth. Opener.” This torture device came from beyond the passes. Xiao Zhi gestured. “Like this… inserted into the mouth.”

“Smack. Your mouth will be pried open, the corners of your lips bursting apart.”

“You don’t have to confess, either. Loyalty is rare; I admire you for it.”

Xiao Zhi looked away, fixing his gaze on a palace maid: “You. Do you know how to sew?”

The maid lay sprawled on the ground, looking even more like a criminal than Yun Yi: “This servant knows how…”

Xiao Zhi turned back to Yun Yi: “I’ll have her sew your split lips shut. By the time you regret it, it’ll be too late. Either way, you’ll die. You might as well confess early and find your release.”

Yun Yi stared blankly at him, thinking to herself: How can a mouth at 37 degrees Celsius utter such cold-hearted words?

The maid’s eyes moved to the corners of Yun Yi’s mouth. Such beautiful lips… sewn shut with an embroidery needle?

Thud. The maid fainted.

After Xiao Zhi became emperor, he gradually replaced the former palace staff with his own people. The maid who had fainted used to do his laundry in the past. She spoke little, was diligent, and had an honest character. He was a good judge of people.

But he never expected that his plan to pick his own people would hit such a snag—this laundry maid had even less courage than a petty thief.

Xiao Zhi glanced sideways at Yun Yi.

She seemed to have caught the maid’s fear and been utterly terrified: “I’ll confess, I’ll confess.”

The emperor stepped forward a few paces. His black robes billowed like rolling storm clouds, the golden dragons embroidered on them appearing startlingly lifelike.

“Minister Yue, Minister Cen.” Yun Yi had a stroke of inspiration and wildly named the two men Xiao Zhi had mentioned earlier. “They sent me.”

Back when the late emperor was still alive, these two ministers would come to blows in court over the slightest disagreement.

Yue Min was a staunch supporter of the First Prince, while Cen Ni had close ties behind the scenes with the Fifth Prince.

Xiao Zhi looked straight into the thief’s eyes. Yun Yi blinked instinctively, her pupils shimmering with a clear, crystalline gleam.

Why did that look in the thief’s eyes seem like she was just “making things up on the spot”?

Xiao Zhi glanced at her clenched fists: “Untie her.”

Yun Yi’s eyes widened: “Thank you, Your Honor, O wise and righteous judge!”

“…” If he didn’t teach her a lesson, his name wouldn’t be Xiao.

The emperor switched to another torture device. “Know what this is? All ten of your fingers will snap in an instant.”

He took the thief’s hand and slipped it into the finger press. Her five fingers were as slender as scallion whites, looking ever more pitiful inside the gruesome contraption.

Yun Yi instead gripped the emperor’s hand tightly, sobbing: “I… I was just making it up! I don’t know those two ministers. Whatever you do, don’t hurt them!”

Xiao Zhi began to doubt himself: Am I being too easygoing? A petty thief rambling nonsense in the presence of the Son of Heaven? Does she really think her head can grow back?

Yun Yi’s nose ran with two streaks of snot. She must have looked absolutely hideous right now.

She used her free hand to grab for a headband.

The guard captain reacted instinctively, ready to defend his master.

But all the little thief did was grab the emperor’s headband and blow her nose into it.

Xiao Zhi: That looks like my headband.

A sacred imperial item had just been used as a handkerchief. Everyone stood frozen in shock.

A clean, fresh scent wafted into her nose and mouth. Yun Yi was deep in a dreamlike state, part of her subconscious telling her: It’s just a nightmare. Just wake up. The emperor might be a tyrant, but I’m definitely not going to die.

She lifted her tearful, glistening eyes and looked at him. A man this fastidious must carry a handkerchief. She sniffled hard: “…Do you have a cloth or something? Let me borrow it.”

Xiao Zhi stood very close to her, no more than two hand spans away. He clearly saw a snot bubble well up from the thief’s nose.

“Enough.” Seeing the maid who had fainted in the corner barely coming to, Xiao Zhi ordered, “You. Search her.”

The imperial seal was what the thief had stolen. It had to be hidden on her person somewhere.

The palace maid trembled as she searched Yun Yi from head to toe.

So ticklish, so ticklish, SO TICKLISH! A beautiful older sister touching all her ticklish spots—this was even more terrifying than being tortured.

Dim torchlight. A gloomy dungeon.

Xiao Zhi stood at the door with his arms crossed, watching the squirming little thief in the corner. He suspected she was laughing. The frustration lodged in his chest, refusing to go away.

The maid reported: “Your Majesty, the young lady does not have the imperial seal on her person.”

Xiao Zhi turned around: “Where did you hide the seal?”

Yun Yi, desperate to prove her innocence: !!!

.

The Empress Dowager appeared in the imperial study: “I heard the emperor wants to change the characters carved on the seal?”

Xiao Zhi hurried over. He understood immediately—the two officials from the Imperial Seal Office in the Ministry of Internal Affairs must belong to the Empress Dowager’s camp.

But clearly, the Empress Dowager knew nothing about the assassination attempt. This indirectly proved that the people around him were loyal to him.

Xiao Zhi said flatly: “Empress Dowager.”

“That seal was the very foundation of your father’s reign. How can you simply erase it at will?”

The Yan Dynasty had only just stabilized. The common people were gradually forgetting that the previous emperor had been a rebel leader.

If the characters were changed, the news would spread to the populace. The embers that had barely been extinguished would reignite into a blaze.

The Empress Dowager said earnestly: “The emperor must prioritize the stability of the realm.”

“Has the Empress Dowager forgotten the origin of the imperial seal?” Xiao Zhi replied. “That jade was found by me. It was nothing but an ordinary stone.”

If those in power hadn’t forcibly imbued it with meaning, it would simply be the stone he used to rest his head upon while sleeping.

The Empress Dowager: “I remember that as a child, you loved that seal most dearly. You once secretly stamped it on a calligraphy practice sheet. Your father not only didn’t punish you but laughed and said that even at such a young age, you harbored great ambitions.”

Xiao Zhi gave a faint, unreadable smile: “And I paid a heavy price for it.”

When the Fifth Prince discovered it, he immediately showed the calligraphy sheet to the Empress Dowager. The Empress Dowager won over the palace staff and secretly slipped that very sheet among the memorials awaiting the emperor’s approval.

At that time, the crown prince had just been deposed. That memorial proposed establishing the Second Prince as heir to the throne—precisely the kind of thing that pricked the emperor’s sensitive nerves. The Second Prince was immediately placed under house arrest.

The Second Prince before her had long since grown up. Now draped in the dragon robe, he was no longer weak. Something was quietly flowing through his veins.

The Empress Dowager: “The imperial seal should be kept by the Imperial Seal Office, yet you insist on carrying it with you. I understand—at the beginning of one’s reign, there are many memorials to approve.”

Xiao Zhi shot her a glance, thinking to himself that the Empress Dowager was getting anxious. Rushing over as soon as she heard the news—wasn’t she really trying to catch a glimpse of the seal for her precious son’s sake?

The crown prince had been deposed multiple times. The hot favorite for the throne was the Fifth Prince. Who knew what his late father had been thinking to write his name in the imperial will.

“You needn’t worry, Empress Dowager,” Xiao Zhi said, steadying himself. “What characters to change on my imperial seal—I will decide that myself.”

“Guards. Escort the Empress Dowager back to her palace.”

The Empress Dowager stormed off in a huff.

Xiao Zhi searched the imperial study. Aside from the half-eaten bamboo tube and gourd pendant the little thief had left behind, the imperial seal was indeed missing.

It had to be that little thief!

.

That night.

In the narrow corridor of the secret prison stood a tall, slender figure.

“Your Highness, she’s inside,” the eunuch said softly.

The man gazed at the locked door of the cell, hearing a considerable racket coming from within. A flicker of doubt crossed his mind.

Inside the cell, the girl was so hungry her stomach stuck to her spine.

She clutched the emperor’s headband and lashed it against the wall, again and again.

“Tyrant!”

“Even the Four Great Evildoers are kinder than you!”

“You wanted to crush my fingers?”

“I’ll whip you! Lash you! Beat you!”

The man listened by the wall for quite a while before he couldn’t help but ask: “Xiao Zhi goes for this type?”

The eunuch nodded. “Indeed, Your Highness. The young lady is lovely—a rare beauty, truly. It’s only natural that His Majesty finds her pleasing.”

From inside the cell, the curses continued: “Despot!”

“…”

The eunuch shuddered. “Only this young lady has such courage.”

The man moved to the cell door. His fingertips touched the rough chains and couldn’t help but tremble slightly. He peered inside. Beneath the screen wall, a small figure sat with one hand tied to a chair with hemp rope, the other clutching a headband embroidered with dragon motifs.

That chair. How could he not recognize it? After learning that Xiao Zhi had been placed under house arrest and was having a difficult time, he had sent a eunuch with an unfamiliar face to deliver it discreetly.

To avoid drawing attention, the lounging chair wasn’t made of particularly fine materials—its strength lay in its comfort.

Sure enough, the girl tired herself out from cursing and collapsed onto the lounging chair. Then, perhaps remembering something that infuriated her, she kicked the chair.

“Xiao Zhi, you bastard! I curse you to have eight sons! Every single one a little terror! May they terrorize you to death!”

Silence hung in the air. The master and servant outside the cell: “…” There’s really no need to curse yourself like that, is there?

A heartless person could never understand the ways of lovers.

Xiao Zhi’s approach was eye-opening. Locking a girl up in the dungeon beneath his own residence, yet sending his favorite lounging chair for fear she might tire herself out. Leaving behind a personal belonging for fear she might miss him.

Just as he was about to leave, two eyes appeared in the small food hatch of the cell door.

It wasn’t that Yun Yi had sensed someone outside. Rather, she was so ravenous with hunger that she had crawled to the door to take a look—just in case there might be food.

And that was when she spotted a figure from behind.

Yun Yi: “Who are you?” The man was dressed in extraordinary, magnificent clothing, and his silhouette resembled the emperor’s—yet he fidgeted and refused to turn around.

The figure froze.

Thinking Xiao Zhi had a change of heart, she said, “Did you come to bring me food? I’m starving!”

The man instinctively reached into his sleeve.

Yun Yi watched him perform a pantomime for quite a while without producing a single bite to eat. “I’ll eat anything. Even plain rice is fine. I’m not picky, truly!”

The man sighed. “I didn’t bring any food.”

“…” Then why did you come? To humiliate her?

He thought for a moment. Sending word to the Imperial Kitchen in the middle of the night would inevitably leak out and be learned by those with ulterior motives. Xiao Zhi had just ascended the throne, and this girl’s origins were unknown. If people found out that the emperor had bypassed the selection process and was keeping a girl in secret, it would surely cause an uproar in court and throughout the realm.

He turned around and smiled at the girl: “When daylight comes, someone will naturally bring you food. Endure a few more hours.”

Yun Yi felt that something was different. His smile was gentle and refined as jade.

And that was precisely the problem.

Compared to Xiao Zhi’s cold, knife-sharp features—

A seemingly harmless smile was all the more terrifying to Yun Yi.

Die, you wretched emperor!

In a fit of rage, she thought, let’s just perish together.

She grabbed the lounging chair and hurled it at the cell door.

CRASH! —

The secret prison was as solid as iron. The cell door didn’t even develop a crack.

Tiny splinters of wood grazed the man’s brow, forming a single bead of blood.

He pressed his hand to his forehead and fled in a panic.

Why did he provoke her in the first place!

.

At the entrance of the Second Prince’s former residence, white lanterns hung high.

According to the late emperor’s will, the three-year national mourning period was to be shortened to twenty-seven days on the principle of “one day for each month”—a measure meant to demonstrate the late emperor’s boundless wisdom and concern for his people.

The podocarpus trees stood as steadfast as ever, but the interior of the residence was being renovated at a shocking pace.

Regardless of who would live here in the future—even if it remained vacant—no one could be allowed to know that the current emperor had grown up alone in this small, confined world.

Two figures stood on the square brick pavement.

The same build. The same face.

The night wind lifted the hem of Xiao Zhi’s dragon robe.

A drop of blood from Xiao Qian’s brow slid down his cheek, leaving a long, thin trail.

He circled the true dragon emperor once, then let out a soft, mocking laugh: “The dragon robe fits you well, my little emperor brother.”

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