The surroundings fell abruptly silent.
Hearing the voice outside, Xiao Zhi quickly scanned his environment. The space was not large, and every object in sight was something he had never seen before.
“Miss Yun?” came the voice from outside. “Are you alright? Do you need help?”
So the little thief’s surname was Yun.
Xiao Zhi’s gaze fell on Yun the thief’s hands. She was holding a small green pine tree adorned with rare shiny balls. Though Xiao Zhi had seen every manner of curious and ingenious tribute from foreign lands, he had never encountered such a bizarre shape.
Perhaps it was a weapon from beyond the passes.
Xiao Zhi lashed out with a kick, knocking the Christmas tree out of Yun Yi’s arms.
A bright green arc shot through the air. The tree landed precisely on the trunk lid and snapped in two.
Yun Yi: “…”
New grudges. Old hatreds.
She had never been bullied like this before! With a wailing cry, Yun Yi burst into tears.
The corners of her eyes flushed red. Tears poured endlessly from her eyes. Her nose, lacking any restraint, sent snot streaming from her nostrils—a flash flood of epic proportions. Xiao Zhi had never seen anyone look so hideous when crying.
He closed his hand and locked it around her throat with a single grip.
Xiao Zhi looked down at the thief, so easily subdued. Out of nowhere, he felt a flicker of something like “the big bullying the small.”
For a moment, his attention wandered. He suddenly remembered that orange cat. It had only been begging for food from him as a child, yet the palace attendants had reported it to the emperor.
His father had personally strangled the cat by the neck: “Put away that overflowing pity of yours. You are the Second Prince of the Yan Dynasty. You pity a stray cat?”
In the time it took for incense to burn, the cat had stopped breathing.
Before it died, it had whimpered and begged him for mercy just like this.
“Call the police!” the security guard outside the garage door shouted loudly. Then he discussed with the property manager whether they should break the door down first to check the situation.
Yun Yi grabbed his large hand and pried at it: “Let go!”
She didn’t use much strength. She broke free easily.
“…I need to say something to the security guard.” Dream and reality had merged so completely. Yun Yi was still holding Xiao Zhi’s hand. Heat flowed wantonly between their pressed palms. The man from her dream was right before her eyes.
Her remaining shred of reason pulled her back. She didn’t want others to see how awful she looked.
Afraid that Xiao Zhi might act out, Yun Yi tightened her grip on his sleeve.
“This is my home. Not your imperial palace.”
“Your home?”
Xiao Zhi looked around once more. That strange carriage that had brought the Son of Heaven here—he saw no horses.
He felt as if he had stumbled into a book of strange tales.
“If you don’t do as I say, I’ll have the immortals here lock you up in an immortal’s prison.”
Xiao Zhi frowned. He noticed the ring of red marks around the little thief’s neck. He hadn’t used his full strength. How could he have damaged her brain?
Yun Yi pressed the button on the video doorbell. The security guard and property manager appeared on the screen. “Hello?”
On the wall, a small screen suddenly materialized, blindingly bright like a suspended sun.
Inside that square frame were two immortals!
Xiao Zhi stepped back warily.
Ha, the fool emperor was spooked. Yun Yi felt a swell of smugness. “There was a cockroach in the house. I killed it. Everything’s fine. Thank you!”
The people outside, reassured, both got onto their patrol cart.
Xiao Zhi watched the immortals jump onto a square white cart—again, no horses, no cranes. Four characters were written on the cart.
“Zhu Shan?” Xiao Zhi set aside his astonishment and looked at her.
Yun Yi’s neighborhood was called “Yunzhu Villa”—naturally, in simplified Chinese characters.
In the Yan Dynasty, those four characters were written like this: 雲竹山莊.
The emperor didn’t recognize simplified characters, so he picked the middle two characters. Truly, a master of misreading.
Yun Yi suppressed a laugh: “Yes, yes, yes. The immortals live in Zhu Mountain.”
Seeing Xiao Zhi still half in doubt, Yun Yi went for the kill: “I’m an immortal, too!”
Xiao Zhi studied her with a strange expression.
The tyrant she had fooled had turned into a gullible fool. Yun Yi was no longer afraid of him. Emboldened, she grabbed his sleeve. “You don’t believe me?!”
The so-called immortal pulled his sleeve out of shape, tugging his collar askew. Xiao Zhi said calmly, “I believe you. When will you send me back to the palace?”
Yun Yi: “…” So he didn’t believe her.
That would have to wait until she had eaten, drunk, and slept her fill.
Taking advantage of his defenselessness, Yun Yi tied Xiao Zhi’s hands with the polka-dot ribbon used for wrapping gifts. The bright, vivid pink stood in sharp contrast to the emperor’s grim expression.
“You need to learn a lesson too, you wretched emperor.”
She led him, chin held high and swaggering, into the living room. The emperor followed behind her like a tail stepping on her shadow.
Yun Yi suddenly turned around.
Xiao Zhi stumbled straight into her back.
Yun Yi scowled at him with displeasure.
On the day of his coronation, he had walked up the city gate under the worship of a hundred officials, receiving the adoration of all his subjects. So what if he had become an arrogant, domineering emperor?
Even though he stood silent and apparently composed, Yun Yi still caught a flicker of shock in his eyes.
No—it was terror.
Pathetic. Like a lost stray dog.
“Sit down,” she said, playing the host. “Be quiet.”
His tall frame sank into the leather sofa. Xiao Zhi’s arms rested naturally on the armrests, his sleeves draping down to cover most of the leather.
He made the sofa feel like a dragon throne.
Yun Yi secretly studied him. When he was obedient, he actually looked somewhat human. No wonder—she had dreamed him up in a fit of madness, a man who matched her aesthetic one hundred percent.
The immortal thief had not used any magic whatsoever, only binding him with a thin cord. Xiao Zhi could snap it with just a little effort, but for now, he chose not to.
He patiently observed everything around him.
“I’m starving,” Yun Yi said as she walked into the kitchen, calling out to him magnanimously, “What do you want to eat?”
“I do not dine.”
The living room fell silent.
The immortal thief, half-hidden in that strange other space, leaned out with a smile like rolling clouds: “Want some cola?”
What was cola?
Xiao Zhi remained grave and composed: “I am not hungry.”
Fine, an ancient bumpkin who’d never seen anything. Yun Yi opened the fridge, grabbed her soul food—liufen noodles—and her happy fatty soda, then closed the door. The fridge door reflected a double-door figure.
“!”
The dog emperor had somehow appeared at the kitchen door, making an imperial inspection tour.
Xiao Zhi was beginning to believe her. Just now, she had taken two items out of that huge thing. A blast of cold air had rushed out, like the imperial ice cellar.
“Hey! If you do that again, I’ll tie your feet too!” Yun Yi decided to go big. She’d perform her signature move—lighting the stove with one hand.
Whoosh… The burner ignited. Flames licked upward.
Xiao Zhi didn’t move. The scene before him shook the very foundations of his worldview.
The immortal thief truly had magic. With a flick of her hand, she had conjured fire.
“What if I told you I can beat you to a pulp with one hand?” Yun Yi threatened him again.
She performed her sleight of hand, closing her palm around Yun Guoqiang’s lighter. Fwoosh. A tiny flame sprang from her fingertip.
Xiao Zhi’s gaze grew extremely complicated.
Yun Yi lifted her chin: Hmph. Scared you, didn’t I!
Under the force of her stare, he had no choice but to sit down at the dining table and wait.
From the kitchen drifted the strange smell of pickled long beans mixed with the stench of frozen-dried durian. Yun Yi focused on cooking the liufen noodles—durian-flavored “Stinky Treasure.”
Xiao Zhi covered his nose with his sleeve. He suspected this was a trick by the immortal thief, payback for the secret dungeon interrogation.
“Heh heh.” Yun Yi tossed her head, her ponytail cutting a youthful arc through the air. She winked at him. “Don’t you smell something special?”
“Not at all.” How could the Son of Heaven be defeated by a mere stench?
Yun Yi’s eyes lit up. She quickly divided a bowl for him: “Want to try some?”
He had starved her for an entire night, but she was magnanimous. She set aside past grievances and offered him her favorite liufen noodles.
Xiao Zhi didn’t move.
The dog emperor was rejecting her kindness? Yun Yi’s face fell. She shoved the bowl in front of him: “Eat it or not?”
Xiao Zhi turned his face away. If cultivating immortality required eating crap, who would want to become an immortal?
“You don’t think it smells bad, do you?” Fine. You’re about to lose me as a friend.
“I do not. I am not hungry. I do not dine.”
Yun Yi clearly didn’t believe him.
Xiao Zhi shook open his sleeve, revealing his bound wrists: “Tied up like this, how am I supposed to eat?”
Yun Yi suddenly reached out and slapped his palm. “You tied me up the same way!”
Ow… Her palm stung.
Yun Yi said indignantly: “You smashed my Porsche. Repairs will cost tens of thousands.”
This grievance would take three days and three nights to fully vent.
Her punishment: make him sit and smell the fragrant (or rather, stinky) aroma of the liufen noodles while watching her eat them!
The doorbell rang at the same time as her burp.
Afraid Xiao Zhi might start trouble, Yun Yi escorted him to the villa’s front door.
The dragon robe brushed against the white pebbles. The tall, ancient-costumed young man had a strikingly heroic look.
The delivery driver was shocked: “Is this cosplay?”
Yun Yi: “We’re filming a short drama. Time-travel genre. Wait… you can see him?”
“Can I get an autograph?” The driver was thrilled. This guy had the physique of a star—he’d be famous across the land in no time.
Yun Yi double-checked: “You can really see him?”
The driver gave a thumbs-up: “This guy is too handsome.”
Yun Yi’s expression suddenly changed. So other people could see him too.
She led Xiao Zhi back to the stinky kitchen, now holding a pair of scissors. She opened the delivery bag and took out an iodine cotton swab.
Xiao Zhi narrowed his eyes. That was a dark-colored poison.
A flash of childhood memory crossed his mind: his grandmother used to slaughter the New Year’s pig. The woman before him looked weak and gentle, but who knew if she was like his grandmother?
Before he could think further, his wrist suddenly moved—Yun Yi had cut the binding ribbon.
She muttered: “Don’t move. If it hurts, blame yourself.”
She applied some iodine to the wound, then blew on it twice.
Xiao Zhi froze for a moment. When had she noticed his injury?
His wound was a bit deep, and it hurt even more after applying the medicine. The immortal’s magical breath didn’t seem to carry any healing power at all.
.
A Daoist’s yellow talismans. The ancestral tablets in the Xiao family shrine. Many scenes flashed by in fragments.
Yun Yi pulled out a notebook from her bag.
She scribbled hastily:
[October 18, 2026. The Yan Dynasty emperor from my dream… has traveled into reality? Am I crazy, or is everyone around me crazy?]
After writing, she gave him a look that said “the world is doomed”: “Do you know how to get back?”
Return to the palace? If he knew, would he still be here wasting time with her?
Xiao Zhi confirmed one thing: this immortal thief was not evil. She was simply pure of heart and feeble of brain.
She had a long, rectangular object in her hand when suddenly it blared with noise. Xiao Zhi watched Yun Yi lift it to her ear and speak into it: “Dad?”
A thunderous voice came from inside: “Yun Bao, you’re home?”
Yun Yi gave Xiao Zhi an awkward smile.
There had been an extraordinary discovery at Xiao Family Village. The divorced Yun Guoqiang was more engrossed in his work than ever. The only thing he couldn’t stop worrying about was his daughter: “The 4S shop called me. The car needs maintenance.”
“…Great.” Maintenance plus major repairs. Given the car’s tragic state, it would cost at least fifty thousand yuan. Where was she supposed to get that kind of money? Wuwuwu.
“About that ear-handled censer you mentioned—I was wrong about it! It really is an antique!” Yun Guoqiang got worked up whenever work came up. “Based on the dating, it’s from the same era as the gold foil mask!”
The immortal was transmitting sound through that long rectangular box. Every word fell into Xiao Zhi’s ears.
An ear-handled censer? Hearing a familiar object, Xiao Zhi suddenly asked: “A lion-face ear-handled censer?”
The voice from the box spoke again: “So it is a lion face! I thought it was a little cat! Ah—how did you know?”
The emperor’s expression darkened with displeasure. A little cat? The lion pattern on it was drawn stroke by stroke by him as a child!
Nothing is more terrifying than sudden silence.
“…Yun Bao?”
“Yun Yi?”
“You have company?”
“It’s a MAN?!”
From the phone’s receiver came the despairing tone of a father realizing his “little cotton-padded jacket” had been stolen by a man.
Yun Yi: “…”
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