He seemed not to hear her, or maybe he did but simply didn’t care to respond. Either way, his figure continued to walk slowly and steadily into the drizzly night, looking utterly forlorn and alone.
Her colleague had been waiting outside the whole time. Seeing the man walk away, she hurried over.
“What was that about? Is he a teacher from your training? What did he want with you?” She then muttered to herself, “It’s late at night, and he looked like someone in his family had just died—so creepy!”
Meng Wantian didn’t know what had happened to Jiang Hezhou either. Watching his retreating back, she was silent for a long time before finally saying, “Let’s go.”
…………………………………………
The rain at this time of year still carried the lingering chill of late winter. When it fell on you, the cold seemed to seep right through your bones.
Jiang Hezhou’s hands and feet had gone completely numb. He was so cold it hurt, and his fingertips had lost nearly all sensation. But he didn’t care—he just kept walking slowly, aimlessly, through the rain.
Saying “aimlessly” wasn’t quite right either. He should have been looking for the car he’d driven here, so he could get back to Jingzhou immediately. But where had he parked it? He couldn’t remember at all.
His mind felt frozen, numb—or maybe it had just stopped working after his conversation with that female student.
People of all kinds passed by him on the street—some holding umbrellas, others like him, soaked through. He was vaguely aware of their presence, but at the same time, they felt unreal.
Why? Jiang Hezhou couldn’t figure it out. Why?
He was the male lead of this world, wasn’t he?
There were so many people who had nothing to do with him—the strangers on this street, for instance—and they were all still alive, still healthy. So why was it that only his beloved couldn’t live a normal, healthy life like them?
He finally couldn’t take it anymore. He collapsed by the roadside, crouching down, covering his face with his hands and weeping silently. The rain kept drizzling down on him, and passersby shot him curious glances, but he didn’t notice. He just let the tears pour through his fingers.
He knew he shouldn’t be doing this right now. Chu Luyu was still waiting for him. He should be driving back to her immediately. But he was in too much pain—too much unbearable pain.
He felt that when Chu Luyu fell, all the strength that had been holding him up had been drained away. He was completely hollow now. He looked alive, but he might as well have been dead.
Later, he didn’t even remember how long he had stayed out on the street.
After crying until he had no strength left, he managed, in a daze, to find his car. By the time he drove back to Jingzhou, it was almost 3 a.m.
Chu Luyu had been transferred to a private ward. When Jiang Hezhou pushed open the door, he saw Chu Fanyin and Chen Mian, both keeping vigil by her bedside, neither of them resting.
Chu Fanyin had fainted from shock outside the OR earlier and had been crying ever since she woke up. Her eyes were now completely swollen, red and raw.
Chen Mian looked like he had been crying too—his eyes were also rimmed with red.
They both turned at the sound of the door. When they saw it was Jiang Hezhou, Chen Mian was the first to react.
“Where the hell were you?! My sister hadn’t even come out of surgery yet, and you—her husband—just disappeared!” He stormed over and grabbed Jiang Hezhou by the collar.
Jiang Hezhou’s expression remained calm and lifeless, like a dried-up well that hadn’t seen water in years. Chen Mian’s anger stirred no reaction in him.
His gaze stayed fixed on the hospital bed. In response to Chen Mian’s outburst, he merely murmured mechanically, “I’m sorry.”
Chu Fanyin stepped in and pulled at Chen Mian. The first time, he didn’t budge. She pulled again, and at the same time, said quietly, “Xiaomian, let your brother-in-law go.”
Chen Mian’s eyes reddened further—whether from anger or sorrow, it was hard to tell. He glared at Jiang Hezhou for a long moment before finally listening to his mother and letting go.
Chu Fanyin didn’t really know what to say to her son-in-law at this moment. She fought back her grief and was about to ask where he had been, when he suddenly said, “Can I be alone with her for a while?”
Mother and son left the room. Chen Mian wasn’t happy about it, but his mother pulled him out.
Jiang Hezhou looked around. This was a private ward, fully equipped with all the necessities. He found a new toiletry set in the cabinet, took out a towel, went to the bathroom, and soaked it in hot water.
Sitting down by the bed, he pulled one of Chu Luyu’s arms out from under the blanket and began to wipe her down.
“Your mom and brother seem to blame me. And they’re right to. In the afternoon, after hearing what the doctor said, all I could think about was finding that female student. We had talked about waiting for her to come back together, but at that moment I couldn’t wait. I think I went a little crazy when the doctor said your organs were failing…
“We really pinned too much hope on her. The whole way there, I kept telling myself she’d have a solution—she had to. But unfortunately, she didn’t even know this was a fictional plot world. The only reason she approached me was because she had been reborn from the previous plot cycle. She thought our meeting and falling in love were real, so she came looking for me again in this life… She had no idea that everything before was just part of the script. The ‘me’ she thought she should be with was never really me.”
“It was so cold out today, baby. I forgot to bring an umbrella and got caught in the rain for a long time. Feel my hands—aren’t they like ice?”
As he murmured this, he carefully pressed the back of his hand against the skin of Chu Luyu’s arm. One cold, one warm—he could feel her warmth, but she seemed unable to feel his cold.
Jiang Hezhou looked at Chu Luyu lying there so quietly, and was silent for a long, long time. Then he pressed his cheek against her arm.
“Actually, I’ve thought of a way that might save you. I just always wanted to be more certain, and never dared to try. After all, I don’t know if it would work—and if it failed, I might never see you again…”
His eyes reddened as he lifted his head and looked at her face again.
She was still lying there with her eyes closed, looking as if she were merely asleep. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead—
His voice cracked as he spoke: “Baby, if this doesn’t work, if I go before you… don’t blame me.”
When he came out of the room, Jiang Hezhou had already composed himself.
He looked as steady and calm as ever. Walking over to Chu Fanyin and Chen Mian, he said quietly, “I have some other things to take care of, so I won’t be able to stay and look after her. I’ll have to leave her in your care for the next few days.”
With that, he bowed deeply to them, then turned and looked through the glass window in the ward door at the girl inside.
After he walked away, Chen Mian was still fuming.
“Before, he was crazy enough to chase after my sister after a car crash—wouldn’t let her go. I thought he really loved her! Acting so devoted! And now that she’s sick, he just walks away? Pfft! What a jerk!”
Chu Fanyin, older and more experienced, saw things more clearly than her son. Watching Jiang Hezhou’s retreating figure, she felt a growing unease.
That young man had never been talkative, but he always had a certain vitality beneath his calm exterior. Now, however, Chu Fanyin felt she couldn’t see even a trace of life left in him.
It was like a walking, talking corpse—you could say he was alive, but you could just as easily say he was dead.
—
When Jiang Hezhou got home, he went straight to the bathroom to shower.
He turned the hot water up high, letting the warmth slowly seep back into every part of his frozen body.
After washing up, he stood in front of the mirror and shaved.
Lately, this had been something Chu Luyu loved to do for him. In the mornings, she would tie up her long hair, wash his face and brush his teeth for him, while he sat on the edge of the sink, swinging his legs as she shaved his morning stubble.
Soon, a flawless, handsome face looked back at him in the mirror. All traces of his earlier dishevelment were gone. Apart from the lingering emptiness in his eyes, he looked almost exactly as he always did.
He picked out a clean, well-fitting outfit—a light gray sweater and beige trousers. The sweater had a half-zip at the front, and he unzipped it a few centimeters, just the way Chu Luyu liked to dress him.
Once he was ready, he went to the study.
He sat at the desk and wrote two full pages, then read them over carefully to make sure there were no issues before placing them under his fountain pen.
Then he got up and went to the bookshelf behind him, retrieving a set of tools.
This set of dissection tools had been purchased from abroad during the summer after his graduation. He had known back then that he would become a forensic pathologist, and he wanted to familiarize himself with the instruments he would use.
That was why, though he had never actually used them, he had kept them all these years.
He casually pulled out one of the handles, the silver blade gleaming coldly under the light.
Outside, the sky was beginning to brighten. He gazed out the window at the merging shades of deep blue and ink-black, with a hint of orange-red about to break through the horizon… He watched for a few seconds, then turned away and looked down at his wrist.
“I’m one of the main characters of this world, right?” Jiang Hezhou muttered to himself, as if speaking to someone—or maybe to no one. “If this world lost me, it wouldn’t work, would it? So now, using my life to trade for a chance of survival for the one I love—that should be acceptable, right?”
On his wrist, just toward the pinky side of the transverse crease, lay the ulnar artery and vein. If severed, a person would slip into death within minutes.
His long, slender hand gripped the handle, finding the spot with precision.
The next second, without a moment’s hesitation, he pressed the blade against his wrist and drew it downward.
Blood immediately formed a small river. He watched as more and more of the crimson liquid spread across the floor. He felt the pain, felt the cold—but his face was relaxed, almost peaceful, as if he were doing something deeply satisfying.
He lowered his head and murmured softly into the air, his voice as tender and affectionate as it always was when they were together—
“Baby… I hope we can still… see each other tomorrow.”
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